I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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