Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
