When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
