umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize