I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
