i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
