every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
