Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Too much gin, very little bucket
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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