What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize