Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
