i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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