everyone is single if you try hard enough
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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