Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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