She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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