He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
