Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
