note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
