And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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