i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
