last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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