In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
