Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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