The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
