dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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