You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
