There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
