I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
