I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
