I looked at my own cervix.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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