I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
