yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
