This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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