dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
