Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize