Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
