Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Found your dick twin last night
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
