i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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