babies were throwing up all over the place
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
