I have demons in me.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
