i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
