so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
