Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
