the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
