Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
