I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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