I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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