so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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