i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
