Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
