You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You can't motorboat a personality
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
