Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
