I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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