Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
