Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
foreskin is a definite game changer
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
