i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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