Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
