You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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