You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
