Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
