I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize