i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
