I accidentally had phone sex last night
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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