Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
