I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
