you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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