If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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