i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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