Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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