You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just pee around me
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
