Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
