Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
