Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
