I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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