I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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