Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
