We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
