walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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