You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
